My complicated and some-whut-blurry mind
i feel empty
emptyness is whut i feel
i live in nothingness
i do things just to avoid some other things
every day in my life i was just running away
running away from problems
running away from life itself
i eat to run away, i sleep to run away,
and like Garfield said, i should run to run away
i put myself in this emptyness
the emptyness tht i feared most
the emptyness tht i thought would never come back
but now, i am the one who put myself in it
somehow i felt good to be empty
to do the things u want
but at the end of the day, happened to be not the things u really want
i felt lost, i felt confused
and i m tired
i am tired of feeling lost and confused and empty
i am tired of feeling sorry and guilty for myself and do nothing about it
it just pathetic
i am tired of hoping tht someone will embrace me
and take me out of this mess i made
bcoz i know nobody will ever want to
i am tired of this mask i wear
which causes me these pain and emptyness
i am tired of just praying to God
show me the way
bcoz it happened to be tht He always showed me the way
but i am the one, too lazy to reach out for His hand
Lazy..
Sloth…
i never knew y sloth had been called one of the deadly sins
but now i know
it takes the life out of u
it breaks u part by part
and u just sitting there
under the tree
on the bench
looking at the sunset
enjoying the scenery
but it ate ur soul as time goes by
together with tht ur memory and the very essence of being u
and still u will not resist it for it felt "right"
there’s very little of me left inside this body
and tht portion of me is now tormented and scared
but it is also struggling
struggling as it knows tht there are still hopes and million of ways to succeed
for the essence of the essence of being me is still protecting me
for believing in hope and fate tht He had for us
for believing tht there is still someone who had build thousands of dreams upon my shoulder
for believing to bring joy into someone else’s life is whut life is all about
may this be for u or for me
for this is a reminder
a reminder to live ur life every single moment
a reminder to stay true to urself
a reminder tht u will never be alone
and there is somebody who will shed tears for u whenever u r in pain
so… this is a reminder
a reminder of emptyness
a reminder of nothingness