nazmi's sophisticated and some-whut-blurry mind

things tht is not available anymore

severussaturn — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 14:56:26 +0000

so i was thinking just now during my shower (at 10.30pm) bout things tht i like but they aren’t available anymore in the market. sdey

1) aiskrim blue bunny kat 7eleven. ade 2 perase: strawberry shortcake ngn chocolate ape tah. sedap dan mahal. dapat makan 5 ke 6 kali je. sbb waktu tu skola, elaun sehari dpt singgit je

2) aiskrim sorbet story perise peach disaluti white tea. masam giler kat lapisan white tea dier n lembut giler bahagian tgh dier. slalu nak makan ni kene gi Pusing ngn meng, tp akhirnye derg da x de lagi da

3) air laici kat 7eleven yg tulis jepun n bekas dier transparent. sedap n bekas dier cantik. 2 ringgit satu. i cant find them anymore in 7e in shah alam. air peach dier pon sedap

4) sony walkman nw-a3000 (aku rujuk kat pamplet sony yg da 3 tahun aku simpan) saw it once kat subang parade. tp nampak sungguh uzur sekali. aku ingat nak tunggu gaji (angan2 sejak 3 tahun lepas)… gaji cam x nak masuk plak. aku x penah beli natang ni. cume menjadik target

5) pencuci muke gatsby yg berasaskan arang…. ye.. muke aku cume bley bersih skirenye diconteng arang dimuke. aku mmg suke defy kate2 pepatah ni. ( i can clap using one hand… bertepuk sebelah tangan amat2 boley bg kes aku) tp yg ni aku da nampak bekas baru dier few weeks ago.. x dpt beli sbb aku tgh pakai pencuci muke perise gamat. br sgt pakai. erwan suggest

6) air gas perise mange f&n (kan?)

7) air sprite perise blueberry (kalo x silap aku)

water colour yg aku gune waktu spm… x ingat name ape. marie kot

ade lagi ke mende2 yg da xde da kat kedai2 nih… saje tulis sbb aku slalu
x tau nak beli ape kat kedai. pepsi n coke da slalu sgt beli. air yoghurt or milk? ape punye name semuer da rase, neway sumtimes i need to feel the sting that carbonated drinks cause against ur throat. trase puas sgt. nak kumpol duit pon da xde semangat sbb mende nak beli da susah nak dpt.

neway ni cam reminder aaa supaye aku akan selalu merindui kenangan2 ketike aku membeli dan meminum or memakan or memakai mende2 tersebut. haih~

tribute to moulin rouge

severussaturn — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 11:43:49 +0000

Come What May
Nicole kidman & Ewan McGregor
Moulin Rouge Soundtrack

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I’ve never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more than this
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Chorus:

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn’t seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there’s no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I’ll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide

But I love you (I love you)
until the end of time (until the end of time)

Chorus

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Chorus

(this is one thing i thought i will never do.. but i really like this song right now)

5 years gone

severussaturn — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 10:57:12 +0000

wow.. 5 yrs.. LIME TAUN~ ngaaa~
if sumone ask me whut hav i learned in utp.. i would probably give a not so appropriate answer. haha. my basic mech eng subjects? i suck at those. my math? never got an A and the final math subject (probs&stats) i got a D. so whut did i learn in utp?
i learned i can be sumone i dont wanna be. its not tht bad. at least here i know i can be a selfish person. (for me its a good thing)
i learned tht no matter how good u r at sumthing, it doesnt mean a thing without the drive in ur heart
i learned tht a friend can be sumone with a char tht we can hate but at the end of the day still lent an ear to whut we have to say.
i learned tht.. 5 yrs going out to ipoh still doesnt make u a pro at the road system there (moreover if u only go out at nite)
i learned tht i can sleep for 24hrs (and/or more)
i learned tht the soul do get old, and i am an old soul
i learned tht i like slow poetic and a bit eccentric songs, however the rock will never gone from me
i learned tht no bad thing gone unpunished, believe me, sooner or later ur old sins will come back to haunt u n make ur life miserable (even for a while)
the most important thing i learned… there is no place like home. no matter how far u go, no matter whut u’ve done, make sure u got a place u can go home to. cherish the family tht u hav (not just because they only provide u with money in time of crisis) (unfortunately i m not sumone tht show even the slightest sign of emotion)

well.. lets just hope tht i wont hav to go back to utp. no matter how wonderful life there (or should i say no-life) with the network, sharing and gaming, there is still 1 thing i thing tht out of place there.. me :p

happy new year

severussaturn — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 18:36:13 +0000

happy new yr guys.. i will be 23 on the 4th of jan.. lots of things happened last sem. i really do mean a lot. good things and lesser good things and some good things that turn not too good afterwards, hehe…

the sem was started with a rush, to complete my internship final report.. making me missed my 1st fyp talk.
my fyp turned out badly.. the project wasnt tht bad but i was the one failing to reach the objective. i just really really hope tht they wont give me an F.
losing sum one. losing one part of me actually, the one i made lots of history with and planning a lot of future with. (semoga allah menempatkan rohnye bersame2 org2 yg berjaye dunia akhirat) …. my first best friend.
…….
recently plak my granma plak x sihat. she usually will always seem energetic eventho sakit. but not this time. 4 days terlantar, x larat nak bgn. td bawak gi hospital and it turned out tht her minerals level is very low. lucky x sampai ke tahap kritikal, coz a bit longer the doctor said can affect the brain. hmmm……
……..
tht were the lesser good things.. now to the good things. i finally got an A(my intern). thx to mr Farouq and Shazu Engineering.
i worked extra hard dis sem, for my roomie is taking also petroleum for majoring, so escaping from attending class was much more easier.. uik.. salah2 so.. semuer esmen siap.. (tiru dier gak… aaa usaha gak tuh) and i study for my tests.. woohoo~~
then, i get to spend more on clothes dis time
ape lagi… aaa yess.. the peak of happy time.. the holiday..
1st day balik trus pg PortDickson ngn famili. ade famili day (tuan haji ahmad punye family) bring me back to the good old days, sayang sket umah pusat aktiviti agak kecik….
then pegi DUBAI.. wahahahahaaaaaaa… 1st time naik kapal terbang alone~~ asek tgk Moulin Rouge on both ways.. pegi ngn balik.. haha.. obses!! sound of music pon.. huhuu…. 1 week kat sane. all thx to pak man sekeluarge for making it happend and for the good time there in dubai.. for pics

balik dr dubai plak hari persandingan abg boy n abg ajid anak pak long usop.. hey.. eventho it is not mine .. it is still a good thing rite?

for the good thing turned not too good…. aku rase tht should remained silent. it was a good thing at first.. for me la, at least i hav nuthing against it. but it turned out a bit ugly. will it end here (and end it before it getting uglier) or is it only half of the story written before any of us were born? if the story still continues.. will the end be as of bright sunshine or will it be dark n gloom and haunts us for the rest of our life. i m sorry tht i played really small part in this coincidence of life… aaaa kater nak remain silent.. dok citer gak.. sorry for those yg x paham.. tp nak gak tulis.. kalo ade yg paham.. bagus la pemahaman korg.. sure comprehension korg dulu excellent.. hua hua hua (gelak separe ikhlas)

and back to today (3am is consider day??) …. a bit of gloom (of worrying about nenek n fyp..) and a bit of bright i guess (jumpe ina n tepon zerith.. surfing frenster.. post gamba kat dubai.. i guess this is whut good memories are for, to help us make thru the hard time and not losing our self)

but again… i was only playing dungeon siege 2 extension for this couple of weeks and drawing sum.. and reading silmarilion….
hmmm…..

well.. till next sem i guess~

burp alhamdulillah

severussaturn — Sat, 24 Jun 2006 19:03:05 +0000

WaHaHa prac ku dah nak abes.. weekly br sampai bulan 3.. final report hampas x buat ape2. tunggu zarir nak anta sample final report haram sampai skrg x sampai. henpon pon dah tuka skrg, beli dr kakak ku (yg dr dulu sampai skrg mesti nak pow duit dier sket) dgn arge 100+enpon (setahun++ umurnye, dpt jual balik ngn arge 120…demm..) pastu printer yg ade scanner dah lame beli adobe illustrator pon jua. tp sampai la ni x berjaye convert lukisan aku ke softcopy.. nak try la modify2, tambah2 kaler…haih~~~
nak kater tujuan aku kali ni banyak jugak la yg tercapai… nak keje dgn baik pon aku rase aku dah buat.. walaupon banyak curik2 men game..huhuu… nak rapatkan balik hubungan ngn sepupu sepapat pon ok gak la.. at least tau perkembangan derg and ade pegi umah2 derg… anak sedare aku pon gile punye comel + dier gile punye manje.. nasib la anak abang aku kalo x .. MiAHAHAHAHAHAH…. dah lame aku babab dier… tp tu la, aku pon x tau apsal dier leh plak nak manje2 ngn aku, nak kater aku slalu acah2 dier waktu kecik dlu xde, waktu yg aku ade ngn dier ialah waktu dier dah tdo dan tugas aku ialah memastikan dier trus tdo sampai mak aku abes keje. bile aku balik keje dier lari2 kejar aku tu.. fuhh… trase cam pakcik yg berjaye plak aku. pakcik pelik yg berjaye..
about my preference on going solo all the way thru life..nuthing change, eventhough like dah cube menyerap sinaran mentari pagi, none of the energy got into my soul. i guess my core is already corrupted until xleh nak heal dah lagi.harapan yg ade skrg ni ialah pepatah yg mengatekan bahwe cinte itu luarbiase..cinte itu agung.. if its true tht love is great, then mayb sumday u will see my wedding invitation card. if not then mungkin cinte skrg dah x seagung cinte zaman dolu2. bcoz i siyesly been building up an invisible wall with the rest of the world, border yg aku bine tanpe perlu buat ape2.. well, its not so hard, just ignore everybody else n shut up all the time. ignorance really is a bliss.. until then, no need to worry bout it as i really2 love my single life…at least half of it.
skrg ni yg memeningkan kepale aku ialah celah mane aku nak buat report. keje skrg tgh bz, nak buat presentation lagi, final report lagi. kat rumah nak men kom lagi. tdo lagi.
baik citer pasal kebaikan aku buat prektikel ni. i guess we can call it kebaikan. haha… w/pon aku cube sedaye upaye utk x buat kawan sgt … just making acquaintance n keep distance and all… aku rase aku dapat gak la kawan kat shazu tu. SHAZU? tu tmpt prek aku ler. majoring in making checking fixture (a.k.a inspection jig), qc for automotive industry (mostly keje ngn yg ade sangkut paut ngn proton) and as sole distributer of GENI Light 900 (a uv emitting lampu kalimantang, good for destroy all the bacteria, virus and bad odour) agak2nye sape la kawan2 aku tu ye?mesti la staf2 shazu.. termasuk bos terchenta.hahaha ok la.. dak2 training upm 3 org tu pon masuk skali.been so long since i’ve been nice to a friend.. ye la.. sejak masuk u ni kater2 yg klua (kalo pernah klua) hanyalah caci maki, sindiran sinis dan *burp*alhamdulillah. nak tolong2? ermm.. like x ingat the last time aku tolong org… kalo jumpe (yg ni mmg pasti) mane penah tego. w/pon jumpe tiap2 ari. so concluding all that, i am really a rude and selfish person.
utk en. yaccob, setiap tunjuk aja en yaccob akan saye gunekan utk bukak kedai saye sendirik nanti. trime kasih. dont worry, x bukak kedai qc/buat jig punye la.. kedai kom+cc+stationary (+tuition for arts insya allah kalo ade rejeki lbey) nanti beli stationary ngn saye ok (mcm la en yaccob bace natang ni.. xpe la, assume je la) nampak x ape yg missing kat situ? objektif utp la..haha.. patut aku kene tambah skill on my engineering part, tp most yg aku amek (yg aku rase penting) hanyalah care2 utk bukak kedai dgn siyes dan bley berkekalan.
mcm banyak je type… until next time folks

My complicated and some-whut-blurry mind

severussaturn — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 17:15:52 +0000

i feel empty

emptyness is whut i feel

i live in nothingness

i do things just to avoid some other things

every day in my life i was just running away

running away from problems

running away from life itself

i eat to run away, i sleep to run away,

and like Garfield said, i should run to run away

i put myself in this emptyness

the emptyness tht i feared most

the emptyness tht i thought would never come back

but now, i am the one who put myself in it

somehow i felt good to be empty

to do the things u want

but at the end of the day, happened to be not the things u really want

i felt lost, i felt confused

and i m tired

i am tired of feeling lost and confused and empty

i am tired of feeling sorry and guilty for myself and do nothing about it

it just pathetic

i am tired of hoping tht someone will embrace me

and take me out of this mess i made

bcoz i know nobody will ever want to

i am tired of this mask i wear

which causes me these pain and emptyness

i am tired of just praying to God

show me the way

bcoz it happened to be tht He always showed me the way

but i am the one, too lazy to reach out for His hand

Lazy..

Sloth…

i never knew y sloth had been called one of the deadly sins

but now i know

it takes the life out of u

it breaks u part by part

and u just sitting there

under the tree

on the bench

looking at the sunset

enjoying the scenery

but it ate ur soul as time goes by

together with tht ur memory and the very essence of being u

and still u will not resist it for it felt "right"

there’s very little of me left inside this body

and tht portion of me is now tormented and scared

but it is also struggling

struggling as it knows tht there are still hopes and million of ways to succeed

for the essence of the essence of being me is still protecting me

for believing in hope and fate tht He had for us

for believing tht there is still someone who had build thousands of dreams upon my shoulder

for believing to bring joy into someone else’s life is whut life is all about

may this be for u or for me

for this is a reminder

a reminder to live ur life every single moment

a reminder to stay true to urself

a reminder tht u will never be alone

and there is somebody who will shed tears for u whenever u r in pain

so… this is a reminder

a reminder of emptyness

a reminder of nothingness

tralalalalalalala~~

severussaturn — Sat, 01 Oct 2005 05:26:21 +0000

waaa… dah bape banyak kali dah asek update kat cc. busan sungguh!! hehe..kat umah xde mase plak…miahahahaha…

neway many days have past and many nights have gone while i skipped every breakfast.huhuu… dah masuk second half sem dah ni… kalo ikut last sem..ni la masenye aku start to falling apart.haih~ xmo aa… being underprob banyak gile mende kene buat..nyusahkan org je. kene pegi sane laa…pegi sini laa..jumpe org tu laa…jumpe org ni laa…hanta surat laa..dpt surat laaa…ishk2..x tahan~~~~

waktu cuti tu dah tambah hard disk lagi 80g..jer~~ dlm mase seminggu aku dah jadikkan mende tu tinggal 20g je.miahahahaha..x tahan~~

neway semalam mmg aku konfimkan sumthing…anything that has coffee in it is dangerous to my body..huhuu…i cant drink coffee~~ but i love those freezes and blends… gile hangin satu badan..langsung xleh buat ape2..dah la nak test..ishk2..so remind me to not to have coffee..kalo sket2 boley aa…huhuuu….nak minum frapucino~~~~~

aaaaaaaaa aku dah tensen..cc bising gile aa……….babai

p/s banyak mende nak tulis sbnrnye…..xleh pikir lak :p

at last….

severussaturn — Thu, 11 Aug 2005 14:17:39 +0000

aaa~~ the sem had started again…and i had already missed classes (only for the 2nd day)…..so actually it is a big improvement..

the sem had started..but not in a well start-up i might say. many things came up into my blurry mind. and this jerebu thingy made it worse. i dont know, but this sem started with me feeling "flying in the wide sky". i dont think tht i am suitable for driving, with my mind not in its place. i just got this bad feeling actually, and i think people around me r also getting sick. not to mention tht i had destroyed my mother’s high hope and expectation. i thought i can get thru tht, but it seems tht i cant. getting under probation status had actually affected my mind and everyday life. i dont know, since tht day i bcame like what i said b4, feel like my mind is flying. i cant really concentrate on anything tht i do. even dota-ing and ro-ing also….i just cant seem to concentrate.Then, this bad feeling started. it started 2,3 days before i went back to shah alam. and at shah alam, i dreamt tht i cant breath (and obviously it happened to my real body too)weird, i never had those kind of dream before and if it (death-threatening kind of dreams) happens, i always wake up….this one, i remained sleep until i can breath again (and it was such a long period)…while i took a walk around shah alam also my heart started to buat hal… maybe watching shah alam being in jerebu made my heart a bit x btol…. and up until now…i just cant seem to concentrate on anything… i felt sorry for those who walked beside me and talked to me…huhuu

hmm… i think i m gonna try the last method. tht one never fails me before..

…..me and my mind………….

whut a holiday~

severussaturn — Sun, 17 Jul 2005 15:56:48 +0000

Aaaahhh~~ and so the holiday come to an end..been like soooo desperate to go back to utp lately.hoho..wanna know y?well just say tht its not a good holiday this one.come to think of it.. yes, a lot of good things happened during this holiday.. went to the east coast, sleep over at granny’s for 3 weeks in a row (sort of a break from excessive usage of computer) =from sun till wed only=, then there are going outs with a lot of people, there r people going to get married and people got married already (sori pie, forgot ur wedding is on sat..i only realized tht on sun)…hmmmm….there r good things happened during this holiday…

but of cos..all tht things almost dont count when i recieved my result for last sem.. which in my history of living there, as the most stressful sem i ever had. never, may i repeat, never in my whole life there in utp i showed such hardwork and a bit of "bersungguh2" while doing a project..come to think of it..its like sooo stupid to work soo hard on a 2cdt hrs (only) subject and let other subjects down.but part of it, is my fault.i shoulda start it as quick as i could..but, nooo lets make time for some sleep and just let time passes on. well to my teammate, i take this opportunity to appologize to u guys.. i let u guys down.

back to my result, far worse then i ever thought, i got 1.8+ for my gpa last sem. yeah..i dont care if u guys know about this..well, i am not ashamed of it actually.. but a bit frustration can still be felt.. whutdouaspect? working soo hard and yet only got a probation!! well, actually i am not tht frust bcos of tht.. i am frust with myself actually.. i let down the person tht has, always has, high hope for me. if i am studying and taking the final just for myself..then i’d say tht i wont do it..this is just me. if it was for me, i wont even be living till today…well, i just dont love myself tht much.hehe. i mean i never hav love myself before. the reason y i can speak of death as usual as eating rice.

thank god i still hav hopes and loves for others.and for tht special One also.hehe. and the other special one also…i just hope tht i wont b losing anymore of this feeling due to my own sin and doing.

take it from the bright side, this is the first time ever i got a probation. yeahh..hurray for me..i mean, i am the one who wish to try out everything during my study in utp. i just hope tht there wont be any first time of being kick off from u.. huhuuu…. :-<

untrammeled … ape tuh

severussaturn — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 18:37:25 +0000

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You’d like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future… one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you’ve always wanted… though you haven’t really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You’ll do anything for love, but you won’t fall for it easily.

hoho…..i am thirst of love aaaa…..demmit. padan aa slalu je haus..salah minum rupenye..hehe… ni lagi satu.. whut kind of coffee u r :

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern

At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent

You drink coffee when: you’re craving something sweet

Your caffeine addiction level: low

aaaa…. one more..just one more:

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

You Are Strawberry Ice Cream

A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core.
You often find yourself on the outside looking in.
Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works.

You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.

hahaha…. soo… any miss choc chip out there? i am "thirst" for relationship… haha

funny things all these really are…like i really need for love right now. u know whut i really need right now? money. if only i hav lots of them…